Lori Weston is introduced as the new 5-0. There is a white man cult head who grows his own organic foods and steals people. McG rides a horsie v hard, and Kono is left outside alone while Tom Sizemore scares the p.ss right out of me.

Kono goes deeper, without McG and Daniel. That Bald Man is here to stay. Navy SEAL Herd 9 is under attack. Extra-judicial killings are a-okay, when they’re committed by good-looking men.

McG deep water dives. Daniel has a crush on a The Doctor. “Cath” is shipped off to The Gulf, and does not try to remove McG’s pants. Some diver is dead. We learn why by the end of the 43 minutes.

Danno hearts ties, hates flip-flops and threatens to unfriend McGarrett on Facebook. McGarrett irons his underpants and stands between someone’s thighs (this someone is not me, so I am sad). Also, potheads, unicorns, Serbs & swirly flips.

Chin lies and has b.stard family; Imelda Marcos makes a cameo; I can’t spell any Hawaiian names. Danno calls McG a punk and hates pineapples and steering wheels; McG hugs an extra and may have crabs. Hookers gold-dig. My panties make a swift exit and then commit suicide; I thank God for Hawaii 5-0.

Cheaters in prisons; Danno drops his pants; and, boo-boos are made for kissing. Australians don’t play basketball. McG = McNerd. Shamu says hi. I am girl crushing on @tarynmanning. Danno vanishes, McG may be hung, though these two facts are not necessarily connected.